First a note: I will be publishing a link to the blog on "Triple moon Goddess Gina" page on on Facebook. You will always find the link there.It will not be posted on the regular update page. Things have been busy and I have been trying way too hard to get the blog done some mornings, so it will not be a daily thing, please check regularly. You can also of course go directly to the page.
I received a few ghost hunt questions in the mail over the past few days. They all come down to me answering one, and that answers them all. The "one" question was from a person starting a group out west (hope I can join you some day!), and it is about group guidelines. They asked what guidelines are important. There are some that are important with our group, and they are ones that can easily be applied to any group anywhere. You may have to set up separate guidelines that are specific to your group or area.
Aside from the common sense guidelines, like: be sober, don't carry weapons, don't destroy property...there are a few we have that not everyone follows, but I recommend.
1) No flashlights are ever used for communicating. I have written a few times on how using a flashlight is just going to give you a false read, especially if it is the twist type. ANY object that is not turned all the way off, totally and securely, will eventually arc and turn on , ie flash. You will think you are getting spirit responses and you are getting physics, pure electrical engineering.No paranormal result at all.
Use a voice recorder, Medium, Ovulus, but don't use a flashlight. Use it to see your screen on your devices,or what just fell, and that is about it.
2)No provoking. Many times clients need to live in the place you are investigating. The last thing they need is the spirit that has been bothering them getting riled up , upset, and causing MORE issues.
The second part of that, is that if the spirit needs to be stirred up to respond, it isn't haunting anything. You cannot honestly go to a location, never get a response and verify it is haunted. Sometimes people are haunted, and the activity can follow them. Make sure you are doing a valid investigation by not causing or skewing the results by your presence and activity.There are spirits all around us all the time, that doesn't mean we live in a haunted house.
Haunting means focused, prolonged activity. Not "we just riled it up" activity.
3) No trespassing. You would think this wouldn't need to be said, but the fact that amature ghost hunters are crawling all over property, that they do not have permission to be on, has caused some places to literally lock down and not allow anyone on site. This ruins it for everyone, and it is illegal to trespass! The property, even if abandoned, belongs to someone. It can be a family, a trust, the county, or state, but someone owns it.
You can destroy property that is fragile, you can also run into homeless people who may not be very friendly or sane, get hurt by falling through rotted floors, or bump into a meth lab complete with pit bulls and a drug crazed man with an assault rifle. It isn't worth it.
4) No rituals. Your rituals are yours, not the spirit's , not the property owner's, not everyone's. It is NOT your job to cleanse it unless asked by the owner. It is not your job to use methods of bringing spirits in, like seances, and oiuji board use.
When you need to do a ritual to make yourself safe, you need to do that privately before getting to the property. You don't do it at the property, or in view of anyone. Imagine a scared homeowner seeing you go through a protecting ritual. It will scare them and make them have less faith in you!
When you are afraid and feel like you have to go through a whole ritual everytime you do an investigation, you have the wrong hobby.
Do not, unless asked by a homeowner , set up any barriers or protection. One group I read about sets up angels at each site.... well they think they do, it isn't an angel's job to watch over a site. They may come, but they don't stay. They have a complex set of jobs and they have to do with people, not haunted sites.
Then there is the fact that if I am a Native American, Muslim, Taoist, Buddhist, or even Jewish spirit and you set up angels around me, I am going to be more than a little upset and follow you home and haunt you for being so pompous, self righteous and ignorant. It isn't your job to alter the energy of a site. You can CLEANSE it and let it become what it will become, but it is NOT your job to determine what energy it will have, that is up to the people living there and the Universe. Not you.
5) Get a waiver signed (confidentiality). Make sure that you know if the person asking you to investigate (and there better be one), will be OK with the site name or their name being published or not; pictures and recordings being released or not; information about the investigation being released or not. Some are OK with full disclosure, some are not. Some will say it is OK to use it in presentations and teachings, but not using the address or name. Make sure that is clear and it is strictly followed. When they want confidentiality, no one should post on Facebook "We are going to an investigation in an old house in Smithville tonight". People may guess, or worse yet, think you are going somewhere you aren't, and cause issues at that home! They may call the family "crazy", or come and make noises turning your investigation into a circus.
There are many more that are common sense that I have published here before , like carry extra batteries, never be alone, have the best equipment you can afford, never run and scream...but these are really very important.
Remember that we live in a world where people do things that seem like a good idea at the time. Make sure that your group is trained and has regular meetings so that they act and react without thinking and making bad choices, they fall back on training. Make sure that you have quality people in your group, and if they fail to come to meetings, and training classes, oust them. It isn't worth the issues and possible law suits. Happy hunting!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Now THAT was a good question!
My all time favorite question came this morning. It is one that no one has asked that I can remember, but I know I have somewhat addressed it in the past. The email states that there are many psychics, energy healers, and people with their webpages out there. How many of them did I think were sane people, and how many are not. I was told to forget the scammers , but just think about "not in touch with reality".
Tough question, no one has done a study. The lucky part for me is I have a great BS meter built in. I recently read a page a person has on the net that gives information supposedly channeled through them. I have seen and known people who were channels. The key to the real ones....they don't remember a thing they say during channeling. Now this doesn't mean that when your guides speak to you, you won't remember the messages, otherwise what would be the point, but an actual channel has no cognizance of the communication. Someone has to record it in some way for them. Even a conscious channel does not remember and their personality goes away during the channeling. The personality, speech patterns etc. of the channel emerge, not the person channeling. Sometimes people call themselves "channels" when they are something else, like a medium or psychic, and to me if they don't even know the "Metaphysical 101" terms and what they are, you don't need to be "learning" from them.
There are ways , even without a great BS meter to tell the real from the fake, the crazy from the sane, and the scammer from the honest person. It takes discernment and a drop of skepticism. It also usually takes a few communications with the person. Make sure that when you get info, you also get it from someone who gets out into the world in real life and does what they teach, speak, or write about. Many people hide behind webpages and don't read for the public or help out in the local world. I actually like local readings in person better than online or long distance!
I write about psychics (I give many psychic readings every day), the other side (I have been on many investigations, have received messages from the dead and lived in two very haunted houses for most of my life). I have been around authentic mediums and channels, although I profess to be neither. I know the real thing when I see it, from seeing the real thing and the not so real thing. Forty some years of experience does teach you a lot.
It is hard to put a percentage on something that has never been researched, but I will say that in my personal experience, MOST of the people who are out there with webpages, and in little storefronts are not authentic. Yes, most. Some really have themselves fooled, some are honest to goodness schizophrenics and hear voices for sure, but not from a higher being. Some are scammers, and that is to me , the minimum of the bunch.
Being psychic, mediumistic, etc. is HOT now. It is the thing to be. It is cool, it is hip, and in real life it stinks. It is work, it is having to deliver messages people sometimes do not want to hear. So every young person who wants attention or has issues has suddenly become gifted in some way. There are things that are so easily faked. Giving messages, not answers, but messages, is the most faked, so channeling. The number two is palm readings. Number three is mediums/psychic information. That is something that has been VERY obvious in my experience. Think about how easy it would be to sit and say "the Universe says this" or "my guide says that". No one can prove it, dispute it, or negate it. It is impossible. You can say whatever you want. People will listen and give you attention. Once you get to psychic information it is harder to fake , and mediumistic information is very difficult to fake.
Percentages....hmmmmm. I will say that most of the "not gifted" believe they are real. Most as in about 90%. Are they insane? That is putting too much on it, emotionally unhappy, probably most of them. Wanting attention? All of them.
The fakes never last long, they won't make it to my 40 plus years, but they do sometimes hang on for years. So let's call the other 10% scammers. Now of the total of all those who work in the metaphysical, I would say that many of them have some talent. After all we are ALL psychic, some just have bigger antenna and know how to use the ability. Having a big enough antenna to help others, I would say that about 25-30% of the population has that ability strong enough to use. That doesn't mean the rest of the population are fakes, they just know they don't have talent, or don't believe the talent exists in the first place.
You will bump into people who aren't so great at the psychic biz before a scammer, but the scammers are out there. You will bump into a person who believes they have talent and don't have any, most of the time you meet a "channel" , "psychic" or "medium".
I asked one friend who isn't a psychic how she determines who is a fake by their webpages, she says, "Easily, the first giveaway is glamor shots, and many pictures of the "psychic". The second is statements like "100% accurate", and " famous TV and radio psychic" when I have never heard of them. I have to say that her perception is accurate. They have to "lure" you in, and those are the top three ways of doing it! Remember the ones who don't know they aren't talented want attention, the scammers want money.
Those who truly have contact with the other side know that it isn't about glamor or fame or money. It isn't about sexy or mystical looking pictures on your webpage, it isn't about popularity. It is about getting people to think, to react, to even be shaken up a bit. People don't learn until you show them something they have not seen before.
So, how many are people you can't trust for whatever reason? Unfortunately, most of them. That doesn't make them bad people, just disillusioned. Trust your instincts, not fall in love with a sexy photo of a beautiful (or handsome) head shot.
Be careful out there!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Tough question, no one has done a study. The lucky part for me is I have a great BS meter built in. I recently read a page a person has on the net that gives information supposedly channeled through them. I have seen and known people who were channels. The key to the real ones....they don't remember a thing they say during channeling. Now this doesn't mean that when your guides speak to you, you won't remember the messages, otherwise what would be the point, but an actual channel has no cognizance of the communication. Someone has to record it in some way for them. Even a conscious channel does not remember and their personality goes away during the channeling. The personality, speech patterns etc. of the channel emerge, not the person channeling. Sometimes people call themselves "channels" when they are something else, like a medium or psychic, and to me if they don't even know the "Metaphysical 101" terms and what they are, you don't need to be "learning" from them.
There are ways , even without a great BS meter to tell the real from the fake, the crazy from the sane, and the scammer from the honest person. It takes discernment and a drop of skepticism. It also usually takes a few communications with the person. Make sure that when you get info, you also get it from someone who gets out into the world in real life and does what they teach, speak, or write about. Many people hide behind webpages and don't read for the public or help out in the local world. I actually like local readings in person better than online or long distance!
I write about psychics (I give many psychic readings every day), the other side (I have been on many investigations, have received messages from the dead and lived in two very haunted houses for most of my life). I have been around authentic mediums and channels, although I profess to be neither. I know the real thing when I see it, from seeing the real thing and the not so real thing. Forty some years of experience does teach you a lot.
It is hard to put a percentage on something that has never been researched, but I will say that in my personal experience, MOST of the people who are out there with webpages, and in little storefronts are not authentic. Yes, most. Some really have themselves fooled, some are honest to goodness schizophrenics and hear voices for sure, but not from a higher being. Some are scammers, and that is to me , the minimum of the bunch.
Being psychic, mediumistic, etc. is HOT now. It is the thing to be. It is cool, it is hip, and in real life it stinks. It is work, it is having to deliver messages people sometimes do not want to hear. So every young person who wants attention or has issues has suddenly become gifted in some way. There are things that are so easily faked. Giving messages, not answers, but messages, is the most faked, so channeling. The number two is palm readings. Number three is mediums/psychic information. That is something that has been VERY obvious in my experience. Think about how easy it would be to sit and say "the Universe says this" or "my guide says that". No one can prove it, dispute it, or negate it. It is impossible. You can say whatever you want. People will listen and give you attention. Once you get to psychic information it is harder to fake , and mediumistic information is very difficult to fake.
Percentages....hmmmmm. I will say that most of the "not gifted" believe they are real. Most as in about 90%. Are they insane? That is putting too much on it, emotionally unhappy, probably most of them. Wanting attention? All of them.
The fakes never last long, they won't make it to my 40 plus years, but they do sometimes hang on for years. So let's call the other 10% scammers. Now of the total of all those who work in the metaphysical, I would say that many of them have some talent. After all we are ALL psychic, some just have bigger antenna and know how to use the ability. Having a big enough antenna to help others, I would say that about 25-30% of the population has that ability strong enough to use. That doesn't mean the rest of the population are fakes, they just know they don't have talent, or don't believe the talent exists in the first place.
You will bump into people who aren't so great at the psychic biz before a scammer, but the scammers are out there. You will bump into a person who believes they have talent and don't have any, most of the time you meet a "channel" , "psychic" or "medium".
I asked one friend who isn't a psychic how she determines who is a fake by their webpages, she says, "Easily, the first giveaway is glamor shots, and many pictures of the "psychic". The second is statements like "100% accurate", and " famous TV and radio psychic" when I have never heard of them. I have to say that her perception is accurate. They have to "lure" you in, and those are the top three ways of doing it! Remember the ones who don't know they aren't talented want attention, the scammers want money.
Those who truly have contact with the other side know that it isn't about glamor or fame or money. It isn't about sexy or mystical looking pictures on your webpage, it isn't about popularity. It is about getting people to think, to react, to even be shaken up a bit. People don't learn until you show them something they have not seen before.
So, how many are people you can't trust for whatever reason? Unfortunately, most of them. That doesn't make them bad people, just disillusioned. Trust your instincts, not fall in love with a sexy photo of a beautiful (or handsome) head shot.
Be careful out there!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Paranormal investigation equipment & cost
A few readers have written asking what paranormal investigation equipment costs, and do you really need it. You need it. Even if you are a psychic or medium, wouldn't it be nice to be able to present some proof or at least a photo or voice recording, for people to experience and think about?
It is also important to have something to do. People who don't have any equipment first of all, aren't investigating. They are just hanging around. The more investigators the better, because I may capture a voice and the person 2 yards from me may not, or it may be louder and clearer on their equipment because they were closer to it. When people go with no equipment, they never really learn how to use it, and they usually get too chatty, then all you have on your evidence is a team member. Using equipment keeps people from chatting, moving around and disrupting evidence. It gives them something to do, and after checking their evidence the next day they will see that they talked too much, or moved around too much. Always make sure your hands have something to do!
I have quite a few EVPs that are class A and some are funny, some are informative, and none are really creepy, as you may think they would be. They are intriguing and people love to listen to them. I have captured them on a recorder that cost about $70. You can spend up to $200 plus on a multidirectional microphone recorder, or use the smaller one like I have. Make sure that you have ear buds for listening so you don't miss things. I have EVPs I can hear with the ear buds, that I can't hear on my computer! Speaking of computers, software for your EVPs and your camera. Most cameras come with them. I recommend Adobe Audition for EVPs.
A camera is essential, but not a little automatic camera. They don't see well in the dark, and flash will obliterate many supernatural phenomenon like shadow people. The flash will also create orbs where there aren't any. They are good for "before" pictures, so you can see if things moved or where objects were later to see if they would be the bulky black thing in the corner.
The best cameras are the ones where you can adjust the lens timing. You want to have no flash, and the lens needs to be open to allow exposure. This also helps you record things that move in the dark and get real orb pictures. New out are IR (infared) still cameras, and just like recorders help us hear things we can't hear with our ears (above and below our hearing), the IR handheld still cameras help us see what we can't with our naked eye. These are better than night vision goggles as they just help us see things in the spectrum we cannot already see in, night vision goggles just "add more light" so we can see it better. IR helps us see in a broader range of light waves.
Also you should have a notebook to note times and events,and a small flashlight to check equipment. That is the bare minimum.
Cameras start at about $500, and go up to about $1200. This isn't a cheap endeavor. Lok for used ones that people traded in to move up to more expensive models.
Then you can add other things like...
EMF meters (about $50-70), and similar devices like Trifield meters,K2, MelMeters, and the like. They will run up to about $100 or so each. Make sure that you know how to use them properly and what their limitations are.
IR video cameras. Either a stationary multi-camera system or a handheld. I like the stationary, because many things happen when no one is around. Sometimes I think the spirits just wait for us to step away to do things. Here you are talking $200-500 for the stationary (depending on type and number of cameras and length of the wire), and to have a monitor will cost extra. Hand helds cost around the same amount for a good camera. Sometimes the IR lights need to be purchased separately at about $100-150.
A ghost box . A device that uses white noise to allow spirits to speak in our natural hearing in real time. This will allow you to hear it as it is said and not have to listen to your recorder the next day. They used to be expensive, but now go for about $100. Do NOT get one that is a modified radio, it will not work well, the rate of scan and interval is crucial. Remember that these are noisy, and therefore their use is limited.
Thermal Imaging camera. The price on these has come way down with the technology being no longer cutting edge, more manufacturers and more people buying them. You can get a good FLiR (the industry's best) for about $1600-2000 for a small hand held. They are smaller, lighter and sharper than ever.
Thermometer. The best would be one with a probe, about $60, but just having one is good.
Cold spots and hot spots are frequently indicators of paranormal activity.
Laser grid- Great for seeing things move in the dark and picking up black shadow people. They run from about $30-50.
That is about all you will need. You do not need all of it, and you certainly cannot use all of it at once. You only have two hands!! Buy the most expensive you can afford , and buy what works in the dark. Train yourself on it, as you may not only need to react quickly, but you may be in a pressure situation (like things flying through the air), and have to think and react quickly IN THE DARK. You can't whip out the owner's manual and check it. Please do NOT use aps on a cell phone. None of them work, and your camera may take awesome pictures of your friends, but not spirits. The ghost boxes on them are pure junk, and the voice recorder is no where near good enough. NEVER use equipment for something it is not designed for, you will just get results that are not valid. Use the right equipment.
Also, invest in batteries, whether rechargeable or not, but have them , and have back ups, and back ups for the back ups. You can get started for $100.00 and have a couple of pieces of equipment. When joining a group, see what is needed if you are open to using any equipment. You also may have a talent for something. When it is photography, get a camera, good hearing...get a voice recorder.
Have a vest, or cargo pants for ghost hunting that you can carry all kinds of things in, or a backpack. The back pack gets old, but you can be in a huge building and far from spare batteries. It is good to have them on you so you don't miss anything.
My husband and I have several pieces of equipment from voice recorders, still cameras, an IR stationary system, an EMF meter (I never use), laser grid, and hopefully soon, an IR handheld still camera. I almost bought a handheld IR video camera, then thought, let the stationary system do the job (and my hands are free to do other things). You don't have to buy it all at once, just get one or two things at a time, set a budget you are comfortable with , and go for it! Ask your (experienced) local groups what they use and why.
Happy Hunting!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
It is also important to have something to do. People who don't have any equipment first of all, aren't investigating. They are just hanging around. The more investigators the better, because I may capture a voice and the person 2 yards from me may not, or it may be louder and clearer on their equipment because they were closer to it. When people go with no equipment, they never really learn how to use it, and they usually get too chatty, then all you have on your evidence is a team member. Using equipment keeps people from chatting, moving around and disrupting evidence. It gives them something to do, and after checking their evidence the next day they will see that they talked too much, or moved around too much. Always make sure your hands have something to do!
I have quite a few EVPs that are class A and some are funny, some are informative, and none are really creepy, as you may think they would be. They are intriguing and people love to listen to them. I have captured them on a recorder that cost about $70. You can spend up to $200 plus on a multidirectional microphone recorder, or use the smaller one like I have. Make sure that you have ear buds for listening so you don't miss things. I have EVPs I can hear with the ear buds, that I can't hear on my computer! Speaking of computers, software for your EVPs and your camera. Most cameras come with them. I recommend Adobe Audition for EVPs.
A camera is essential, but not a little automatic camera. They don't see well in the dark, and flash will obliterate many supernatural phenomenon like shadow people. The flash will also create orbs where there aren't any. They are good for "before" pictures, so you can see if things moved or where objects were later to see if they would be the bulky black thing in the corner.
The best cameras are the ones where you can adjust the lens timing. You want to have no flash, and the lens needs to be open to allow exposure. This also helps you record things that move in the dark and get real orb pictures. New out are IR (infared) still cameras, and just like recorders help us hear things we can't hear with our ears (above and below our hearing), the IR handheld still cameras help us see what we can't with our naked eye. These are better than night vision goggles as they just help us see things in the spectrum we cannot already see in, night vision goggles just "add more light" so we can see it better. IR helps us see in a broader range of light waves.
Also you should have a notebook to note times and events,and a small flashlight to check equipment. That is the bare minimum.
Cameras start at about $500, and go up to about $1200. This isn't a cheap endeavor. Lok for used ones that people traded in to move up to more expensive models.
Then you can add other things like...
EMF meters (about $50-70), and similar devices like Trifield meters,K2, MelMeters, and the like. They will run up to about $100 or so each. Make sure that you know how to use them properly and what their limitations are.
IR video cameras. Either a stationary multi-camera system or a handheld. I like the stationary, because many things happen when no one is around. Sometimes I think the spirits just wait for us to step away to do things. Here you are talking $200-500 for the stationary (depending on type and number of cameras and length of the wire), and to have a monitor will cost extra. Hand helds cost around the same amount for a good camera. Sometimes the IR lights need to be purchased separately at about $100-150.
A ghost box . A device that uses white noise to allow spirits to speak in our natural hearing in real time. This will allow you to hear it as it is said and not have to listen to your recorder the next day. They used to be expensive, but now go for about $100. Do NOT get one that is a modified radio, it will not work well, the rate of scan and interval is crucial. Remember that these are noisy, and therefore their use is limited.
Thermal Imaging camera. The price on these has come way down with the technology being no longer cutting edge, more manufacturers and more people buying them. You can get a good FLiR (the industry's best) for about $1600-2000 for a small hand held. They are smaller, lighter and sharper than ever.
Thermometer. The best would be one with a probe, about $60, but just having one is good.
Cold spots and hot spots are frequently indicators of paranormal activity.
Laser grid- Great for seeing things move in the dark and picking up black shadow people. They run from about $30-50.
That is about all you will need. You do not need all of it, and you certainly cannot use all of it at once. You only have two hands!! Buy the most expensive you can afford , and buy what works in the dark. Train yourself on it, as you may not only need to react quickly, but you may be in a pressure situation (like things flying through the air), and have to think and react quickly IN THE DARK. You can't whip out the owner's manual and check it. Please do NOT use aps on a cell phone. None of them work, and your camera may take awesome pictures of your friends, but not spirits. The ghost boxes on them are pure junk, and the voice recorder is no where near good enough. NEVER use equipment for something it is not designed for, you will just get results that are not valid. Use the right equipment.
Also, invest in batteries, whether rechargeable or not, but have them , and have back ups, and back ups for the back ups. You can get started for $100.00 and have a couple of pieces of equipment. When joining a group, see what is needed if you are open to using any equipment. You also may have a talent for something. When it is photography, get a camera, good hearing...get a voice recorder.
Have a vest, or cargo pants for ghost hunting that you can carry all kinds of things in, or a backpack. The back pack gets old, but you can be in a huge building and far from spare batteries. It is good to have them on you so you don't miss anything.
My husband and I have several pieces of equipment from voice recorders, still cameras, an IR stationary system, an EMF meter (I never use), laser grid, and hopefully soon, an IR handheld still camera. I almost bought a handheld IR video camera, then thought, let the stationary system do the job (and my hands are free to do other things). You don't have to buy it all at once, just get one or two things at a time, set a budget you are comfortable with , and go for it! Ask your (experienced) local groups what they use and why.
Happy Hunting!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Before you get all lovey dovey....
A few days ago I wrote about not rushing into a relationship just to be in one for Valentine's Day. It amazes me how much weight people put on the day. They have been influenced by Hallmark, jewelry stores and florists. It seems to come down to, if he doesn't spend a bundle, he doesn't love you. BULLCRAP.
Love is about love, not money, better yet, Valentine's Day was not about love. It was about healing and it was originally a celebration associated with the church.
Valentine was Valentinus who later reached sainthood. There were a few Valentines in church history. Saint Valentine (whom the day commemorates), ministered to Christians during the persecutions brought about by Holy Roman Empire, and while imprisoned he healed a jailer's daughter. Sounds more like an ancient scripting of The Green Mile than Love Story.
That is just one of the Valentines. There were several, and more than one SAINT Valentine. Historians have narrowed it to three that they can verify are not the same person.
St. Valentine had nothing to do with lovers, but he did perform weddings for soldiers that were forbidden to marry, and that seems to be where the current aspect came from. Valentine however was more a priest and healer than a proponent of romantic love. Valentine's Day is still an official feast day in certain denominations.
So who made it a "romance" day? Most likely Chaucer in his writings, and by the 15th century it was said to be a big deal....but remember at that time courtly love and romantic intrigue were very popular.
Now we have it as a money making day. It is a day when suitors show their love by spending money. I would prefer they show their love by romancing me every day of the year (and fortunately I have that in my life). Putting a price tag on your relationship starts to slip over into something else all together, and it isn't a good thing at all.
This Valentine's Day, don't put a price tag on yourself. Don't rush into relationships or try to force them to be something else because of a day on the calender. Have more self worth than that. If you struggle with it, remember that it is a church feast day to honor a saint, that should take the romance out of things....
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Totally off topic, sewing machines.
Today is a day for writing about a topic that really is mundane. It is not a lesson, a way to do things better, metaphysical, religious, or otherwise. It is something I have discussed before.
I get email on all kinds of things. I have mentioned a few times that I am a quilter and I love quilting. I am a fabricaholic. I admit it totally. I have had a few email on quilting, and most center on one thing. The questions I have been getting lately are about what sewing machine I recommend. That's actually a tough question. Today's sewing machines are so refined that a quilter, a couture fashion designer, and a home decorator, would all want different machines. I can speak most informatively on quilting, and machine quality.
First, buy from a dealer. They know their stuff. Machines may be cheaper on EBAY, but you may be getting a refurbished machine (one turned in for warranty repair, revamped and resold), one that has been used more that you would like, one that had water spilled in it, or a bunch of other problems. The dealers not only will assist with issues, but will let you know how to maintain the machine, do services for you, have the accessories you need, and give lessons on the machines. They also will let you try out a machine in the store before buying it. Many of today's machines have more controls than a 747, and it would be a waste not to use them. The classes are free if you purchase from the dealer. They want you to be happy.
Choose your manufacturer before your model. Today there are several excellent manufacturers. Some make better machines of one type than others. Bernina was the only high end machine for a while. I have to say I am not, nor ever have been, a Bernina fan, but then I didn't buy the Sassoon jeans years back either. I don't buy to flash a name, I buy for value. Bernina's are, and have been, overpriced. They are great machines, but most of the price is for the name.I had a Singer that cost less than my mother in law's Bernina... a lot less, it lasted longer and had more functions.
The best quality today is Janome (which has bought out and is improving Horizon). Janome was New Home back in the day. My Grandmother had a New Home and I can't remember that machine ever not working. My Janome has thousands (yes thousands), of hours on it. It has never skipped a beat....and I am bad. I do not take it in for maintenance anywhere near as often as I should. It functions better than my expensive Baby Lock, but the Baby Lock has some functions my Janome doesn't. That being said,my Janome is not a specialized quilter's machine and the Baby Lock is, so I don't see it as a manufacturer's issue, but me buying a machine that wasn't exactly what I needed.
Check out the sites for each manufacturer. They will describe models and types and you will have a good idea what you need. Machines may even do things you didn't know they did. My Janome can thread a bobbin while I am sewing! That is a neat trick for me, may not be so important to you. I thought I would never use it....surprise...I do.
Buy the right machine for what you are doing. I have two machines to accommodate all my sewing needs. Many times one brand will do something better than another, and you will end up with more than one machine (the lady who I purchase from at the local dealer has 4 machines). Some quilters have a little Singer Featherweight to take to class (today's machines weigh a lot more than the "portable" ones of a few years ago), a machine for piecing and another for quilting. There may even be a long arm quilting machine in the basement, or one that does embroidery. Most "sewists" have more than one machine.
My Janome is a Memory Craft 6500, and I recommend that quilters buy the newer Memory Craft "Q" designated machines. My Baby Lock always leaves a bunch (not a huge bunch , but a bunch none the less), of thread when it begins sewing. I talked to the repair people at the shop and they say all Baby Lock's do that and the quilters hate it (yes we do, fine triangle point pieces don't need bunches of thread under them). My Janome also does more uniform decorative stitches, the difference is amazing. The Baby Lock also has a bad habit of pulling the thread up out of the needle when I use the automatic thread cutter. Automatic thread cutters save you a TON of thread. It is worth having that function, but not if it doesn't work right. Who wants to thread a needle every 2 minutes.
The other machine that is the hot machine with local quilters and teachers is the Elna Excellence (model 720 and 740 are the top of the line). There are a few models of course, and special ones for quilters. Many now advertise a speed of 1000 SPM, you will NEVER sew at that rate, so don't let the high speeds seduce you.
So I say go with a Janome "Q" designation machine or an Elna Excellence. I have been told that the best sergers are made by Baby Lock, so keep that in mind also.
That being said people, save your money before you go. It is next to impossible to get a machine price, it is like buying a car, there are deals out there. Working with dealers has another advantage, many take trade ins, and if you are low on cash, this will not only help you buy a new machine, but you can buy a used one to get started. Dealers sell all models on used equipment.
When you want a really good specialized quilter's machine, you will spend between $800-2500. You don't have to go to the top machine, make sure it is what you need, but figure realistically in the $1000-1500 range. Many dealers have payment plans and even manufacturer's specials where they offer interest free financing. Expensive machines may not be out of your reach. Ask your local dealer. Wait to get the machine you want also, don't settle, or you will have wasted a lot of money. Don't overbuy either. Having 100 functions you will never use is just plain expensive.
It is worth waiting for quilting shows and sale times to buy a machine. It is also worth forming a bond with the dealer. When you buy machine supplies and service your machine at the dealer, they will always be willing to give you a little extra. I had missed a giveaway when I bought my Janome, it was an extension table (and they aren't cheap, over $100 generally). They gave me the table even though the promotion was over, and I didn't know a thing about it.
It is a huge investment, so if you are just trying out the sewing hobby, get a Singer for $200. They aren't fancy, but they work well, and if you decide sewing isn't for you, you aren't a grand in debt. You will also be able to tell the dealer what your frustrations are with using the machine and what your wish list is. They then can point you to a machine you will love, and you can save the cheap machine for when your expensive machine is in having its' maintenance done.
After you spend all that money, don't get cheap. Buy good thread appropriate for what you are doing, and the best fabric you can afford, it really does sew differently. Quilter's, unless you are doing art quilting, always ONLY use 100% cotton thread and fabric. It reacts differently and you will be more pleased with your final result.
Quilters, also make sure your machine has adjustable needle position, a quarter inch foot and a switchable needle plate with a single hole instead of an elongated space needed for zig zag sewing. My Baby Lock came with both plates, they screw on, but there are very expensive machines where you push a button and the plate switches! The single hole keeps points and small pieces of fabric from getting pulled down into the machine. You will be in quilting classes where the teacher will ask for a "scant quarter inch two clicks in". Without the adjustable needle, you are in trouble, your quilt may not lay flat or the seams may not match up.
Research the machines and make sure you get the one you need. Don't overspend, but don't underspend either. Buy from a dealer, and make sure that , unlike me, you service your machine regularly. It costs a few bucks, but will save you a ton in having to buy a new machine.
Happy sewing!!!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
I get email on all kinds of things. I have mentioned a few times that I am a quilter and I love quilting. I am a fabricaholic. I admit it totally. I have had a few email on quilting, and most center on one thing. The questions I have been getting lately are about what sewing machine I recommend. That's actually a tough question. Today's sewing machines are so refined that a quilter, a couture fashion designer, and a home decorator, would all want different machines. I can speak most informatively on quilting, and machine quality.
First, buy from a dealer. They know their stuff. Machines may be cheaper on EBAY, but you may be getting a refurbished machine (one turned in for warranty repair, revamped and resold), one that has been used more that you would like, one that had water spilled in it, or a bunch of other problems. The dealers not only will assist with issues, but will let you know how to maintain the machine, do services for you, have the accessories you need, and give lessons on the machines. They also will let you try out a machine in the store before buying it. Many of today's machines have more controls than a 747, and it would be a waste not to use them. The classes are free if you purchase from the dealer. They want you to be happy.
Choose your manufacturer before your model. Today there are several excellent manufacturers. Some make better machines of one type than others. Bernina was the only high end machine for a while. I have to say I am not, nor ever have been, a Bernina fan, but then I didn't buy the Sassoon jeans years back either. I don't buy to flash a name, I buy for value. Bernina's are, and have been, overpriced. They are great machines, but most of the price is for the name.I had a Singer that cost less than my mother in law's Bernina... a lot less, it lasted longer and had more functions.
The best quality today is Janome (which has bought out and is improving Horizon). Janome was New Home back in the day. My Grandmother had a New Home and I can't remember that machine ever not working. My Janome has thousands (yes thousands), of hours on it. It has never skipped a beat....and I am bad. I do not take it in for maintenance anywhere near as often as I should. It functions better than my expensive Baby Lock, but the Baby Lock has some functions my Janome doesn't. That being said,my Janome is not a specialized quilter's machine and the Baby Lock is, so I don't see it as a manufacturer's issue, but me buying a machine that wasn't exactly what I needed.
Check out the sites for each manufacturer. They will describe models and types and you will have a good idea what you need. Machines may even do things you didn't know they did. My Janome can thread a bobbin while I am sewing! That is a neat trick for me, may not be so important to you. I thought I would never use it....surprise...I do.
Buy the right machine for what you are doing. I have two machines to accommodate all my sewing needs. Many times one brand will do something better than another, and you will end up with more than one machine (the lady who I purchase from at the local dealer has 4 machines). Some quilters have a little Singer Featherweight to take to class (today's machines weigh a lot more than the "portable" ones of a few years ago), a machine for piecing and another for quilting. There may even be a long arm quilting machine in the basement, or one that does embroidery. Most "sewists" have more than one machine.
My Janome is a Memory Craft 6500, and I recommend that quilters buy the newer Memory Craft "Q" designated machines. My Baby Lock always leaves a bunch (not a huge bunch , but a bunch none the less), of thread when it begins sewing. I talked to the repair people at the shop and they say all Baby Lock's do that and the quilters hate it (yes we do, fine triangle point pieces don't need bunches of thread under them). My Janome also does more uniform decorative stitches, the difference is amazing. The Baby Lock also has a bad habit of pulling the thread up out of the needle when I use the automatic thread cutter. Automatic thread cutters save you a TON of thread. It is worth having that function, but not if it doesn't work right. Who wants to thread a needle every 2 minutes.
The other machine that is the hot machine with local quilters and teachers is the Elna Excellence (model 720 and 740 are the top of the line). There are a few models of course, and special ones for quilters. Many now advertise a speed of 1000 SPM, you will NEVER sew at that rate, so don't let the high speeds seduce you.
So I say go with a Janome "Q" designation machine or an Elna Excellence. I have been told that the best sergers are made by Baby Lock, so keep that in mind also.
That being said people, save your money before you go. It is next to impossible to get a machine price, it is like buying a car, there are deals out there. Working with dealers has another advantage, many take trade ins, and if you are low on cash, this will not only help you buy a new machine, but you can buy a used one to get started. Dealers sell all models on used equipment.
When you want a really good specialized quilter's machine, you will spend between $800-2500. You don't have to go to the top machine, make sure it is what you need, but figure realistically in the $1000-1500 range. Many dealers have payment plans and even manufacturer's specials where they offer interest free financing. Expensive machines may not be out of your reach. Ask your local dealer. Wait to get the machine you want also, don't settle, or you will have wasted a lot of money. Don't overbuy either. Having 100 functions you will never use is just plain expensive.
It is worth waiting for quilting shows and sale times to buy a machine. It is also worth forming a bond with the dealer. When you buy machine supplies and service your machine at the dealer, they will always be willing to give you a little extra. I had missed a giveaway when I bought my Janome, it was an extension table (and they aren't cheap, over $100 generally). They gave me the table even though the promotion was over, and I didn't know a thing about it.
It is a huge investment, so if you are just trying out the sewing hobby, get a Singer for $200. They aren't fancy, but they work well, and if you decide sewing isn't for you, you aren't a grand in debt. You will also be able to tell the dealer what your frustrations are with using the machine and what your wish list is. They then can point you to a machine you will love, and you can save the cheap machine for when your expensive machine is in having its' maintenance done.
After you spend all that money, don't get cheap. Buy good thread appropriate for what you are doing, and the best fabric you can afford, it really does sew differently. Quilter's, unless you are doing art quilting, always ONLY use 100% cotton thread and fabric. It reacts differently and you will be more pleased with your final result.
Quilters, also make sure your machine has adjustable needle position, a quarter inch foot and a switchable needle plate with a single hole instead of an elongated space needed for zig zag sewing. My Baby Lock came with both plates, they screw on, but there are very expensive machines where you push a button and the plate switches! The single hole keeps points and small pieces of fabric from getting pulled down into the machine. You will be in quilting classes where the teacher will ask for a "scant quarter inch two clicks in". Without the adjustable needle, you are in trouble, your quilt may not lay flat or the seams may not match up.
Research the machines and make sure you get the one you need. Don't overspend, but don't underspend either. Buy from a dealer, and make sure that , unlike me, you service your machine regularly. It costs a few bucks, but will save you a ton in having to buy a new machine.
Happy sewing!!!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
We aren't THAT peaceful.....
A reader wrote the other day and asked about more blogs on the Native American culture. They went on to say that the American Indians were such peace loving , wise people. Really? Don't get me wrong, many tribes wanted to be peaceful and left alone, others, not so much.
They were human beings. They had hopes, fears, and needed things. There were good and bad, strong and weak, smart and not so smart. There were young warriors out to prove themselves, and old men who no longer wanted to fight. They weren't a bunch of cookie cutter angels, not from person to person or tribe to tribe.
I know the history where my people came from on the east coast, and it was one that was very active, and at times very violent. Women held leading roles, tribes sometimes sided with outsiders like the English or the French. The Native American's one constant enemy was the Puritans. They however, weren't fighters. During all of this however, the indigenous people also fought and killed the indigenous people. It is a fact. They didn't all get along, not ever.
Most tribes feared the Mohawk , a powerful and fierce group if there ever was one. The Iroquois (and the Five Nations), were also great warriors and frequently fought with the Mohawk and other tribes. The Narragansett, Pequot and other southern New England tribes were friends or enemies depending on the time and situation. The natives of the area fought with each other before the Puritans ever touched our shores.
The Susquehanna were frequently the target of the larger and more fierce tribes of New England, and even had the English (Edmund Andros for example), negotiate with those tribes for them. The natives also had peacemakers, and in the New England area the most known was Daniel Garacontie, the Sagochiendagehte (a person chosen to speak for the Five Nations is their Sagochiendagehte) for the Iroquois, he was an Onondaga. Garacontie was a very wise, complicated, and diplomatic man and well worth the research and study. During the latter part of his life he became a Christian , and that caused the others of his nation to think he had gone mad.
Traveling out west, we had similar circumstances. The Navajo and Hopi for example had many major issues with each other, and the Navajo were known as Headbreakers (they used rocks to hit their enemies over the head). They weren't fighting with white men, but with other indigenous people. The tribes no longer get into mortal combat, but there are still issues between them at times. The Hopi land is surrounded by Navajo land making it a unique and strange situation.
The native peoples were people, and still are people. They fought, they got along, they traded, they stole from each other. They borrowed some tool ideas, clothing ideas, and shunned other ideas. They were PEOPLE. They were happy, sad, afraid, brave....everything people still are today. But to think they all held hands across Turtle Island singing Kumbaya is ridiculous. Don't make Native Americans a archetype, let them be who they were. People.
I guess that turned out to be the Native American blog you asked for......
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
They were human beings. They had hopes, fears, and needed things. There were good and bad, strong and weak, smart and not so smart. There were young warriors out to prove themselves, and old men who no longer wanted to fight. They weren't a bunch of cookie cutter angels, not from person to person or tribe to tribe.
I know the history where my people came from on the east coast, and it was one that was very active, and at times very violent. Women held leading roles, tribes sometimes sided with outsiders like the English or the French. The Native American's one constant enemy was the Puritans. They however, weren't fighters. During all of this however, the indigenous people also fought and killed the indigenous people. It is a fact. They didn't all get along, not ever.
Most tribes feared the Mohawk , a powerful and fierce group if there ever was one. The Iroquois (and the Five Nations), were also great warriors and frequently fought with the Mohawk and other tribes. The Narragansett, Pequot and other southern New England tribes were friends or enemies depending on the time and situation. The natives of the area fought with each other before the Puritans ever touched our shores.
The Susquehanna were frequently the target of the larger and more fierce tribes of New England, and even had the English (Edmund Andros for example), negotiate with those tribes for them. The natives also had peacemakers, and in the New England area the most known was Daniel Garacontie, the Sagochiendagehte (a person chosen to speak for the Five Nations is their Sagochiendagehte) for the Iroquois, he was an Onondaga. Garacontie was a very wise, complicated, and diplomatic man and well worth the research and study. During the latter part of his life he became a Christian , and that caused the others of his nation to think he had gone mad.
Traveling out west, we had similar circumstances. The Navajo and Hopi for example had many major issues with each other, and the Navajo were known as Headbreakers (they used rocks to hit their enemies over the head). They weren't fighting with white men, but with other indigenous people. The tribes no longer get into mortal combat, but there are still issues between them at times. The Hopi land is surrounded by Navajo land making it a unique and strange situation.
The native peoples were people, and still are people. They fought, they got along, they traded, they stole from each other. They borrowed some tool ideas, clothing ideas, and shunned other ideas. They were PEOPLE. They were happy, sad, afraid, brave....everything people still are today. But to think they all held hands across Turtle Island singing Kumbaya is ridiculous. Don't make Native Americans a archetype, let them be who they were. People.
I guess that turned out to be the Native American blog you asked for......
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
Monday, February 4, 2013
How long is too long?
I have had a few clients lately who are frustrated with slow relationships. Let me first say that some of them think that the time from meeting to marriage should be no more than a year. That is not a slow relationship, by any means.That is speed marriage.
The pace of the relationship depends on the people involved and their situations. Maybe they need to finish school first, take care of aging parents, pay off a huge debt, get a child through college, and more. There are tons of people out there who think that if they aren't married,or married quickly, life will end. How very not true.
Rushing headlong into a relationship , just to be in a relationship, is a recipe for disaster. I have also said this many times before, if you want quality, you need to be quality. Have your act together to get a person who has their act together. People do not come into our lives to "do" for us. They come in to be partners and to get love, friendship, and a life of happiness, and to give it.
Some people need time, you have to judge that by the person and situation. Some guys just aren't ready to commit. That doesn't mean they don't love you, they just know that being married right now would be uncomfortable or downright miserable for them, and disastrous for your relationship. When they say they aren't ready...DON'T PUSH. You will find yourself alone, and it may be after wasting a few grand on a wedding where the marriage was shorter than the reception.
Marriage does not make a person more loving, more devoted, stop cheating, or be around more. Many think marriages fix bad relationships, all they do is turn bad relationships in to bad marriages and hence good divorces.
Partners are not there to take us on vacation and buy us things. They are not there to pay our bills. When we allow ourselves to be "bought" we literally prostitute ourselves. It is OK to have a partner of better means that can do for us, but if the reason you chose that particular partner is because they have "things" and take you on vacation, your relationship will eventually crash and burn.
Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and people panic into hooking up with some loser so they "won't be alone". So what if you are alone. I mean , really? will you die? Will you starve? Will the roof over your head collapse? No, and don't pin your self esteem on another person's liking you or not.Having good self esteem is a way of making sure you DON'T pick the losers, the ones who buy you, and most seriously, the ones who will abuse you.
The recipe for finding a great partner?
Get your act together.
Work on yourself and be the best person you can be.
When a relationship isn't working, walk away, changing the other person is NOT an option.
Give it time. The healthy average for meet up to marriage is 2-3 years.
Don't limit yourself (I will only date professional men; blondes; musicians; older people), and if you are so stuck on those limits, again , find out why and FIX IT.
Don't get married or into a relationship because your biological clock is ticking.
Don't get into a relationship for ANY of the wrong reasons, like having someone to help pay bills; having someone to help with the kids; having someone to cure your loneliness.
When you pick a string of losers, find out why. Most likely you have low self esteem.
When you have had a bunch of great partners and they all walk away, find out what is wrong with YOU.
Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is best friends who are loyal and honest, working together to make each other happy every day. When both put 100% into it, it is a beautiful thing.
When you have a healthy relationship , it is a relationship. That means TWO people giving and taking. Sharing, Being there for each other. It helps if you are best friends besides.
When you have a bad relationship, or the person is with someone, it is NOT your soulmate. I am so tired of the soulmate word. It is a relatively new word, created to describe a perfect partner. It was then made into a metaphsyical word (and has NO basis in reality as a metaphysical entity as a lover) . A soulmate in the metaphysical sense, is in reality the person in our lives that is the giver of the most important life lessons at that time. It could be a teacher, sister, brother, mother, friend, boss. It is not and will never will be, a person we are "supposed to be with" in a romantic sense. There RARELY are people we are "supposed to be with", and those times are when we are to work our Karma. Karma and relationships aren't a good combination.The "soulmate" word sells books (well it used to, it is pretty worn out by now), but it doesn't solve relationship issues.
Please don't look for love on line. I know they have great commercials, but limited success. They can boast "marriages" but how many last more than a year or so? There are so many people on line who are there because no one where they live will go near them. There are also scammers, catfish, and more. People have been assaulted, raped and even killed by people they found online. I know that happens in the real world too, but the online community is FULL of people looking to see what they can get and be as anonymous as possible. Many online dating sites are full of people who are in relationships up to and including marriages, and they say they are single.
There are so many "bad people" out there playing games. Enough so that there are now websites dedicated to exposing the dating site creeps. It has made talk show headlines also:
http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1963/
Love happens. You can't make it happen. You cannot make another person love you. Don't rush into anything, this isn't a race, and if you have had years of failure, it is time to start looking in that harsh mirror again.
And as I always say: DO the right things for the right reasons.
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
The pace of the relationship depends on the people involved and their situations. Maybe they need to finish school first, take care of aging parents, pay off a huge debt, get a child through college, and more. There are tons of people out there who think that if they aren't married,or married quickly, life will end. How very not true.
Rushing headlong into a relationship , just to be in a relationship, is a recipe for disaster. I have also said this many times before, if you want quality, you need to be quality. Have your act together to get a person who has their act together. People do not come into our lives to "do" for us. They come in to be partners and to get love, friendship, and a life of happiness, and to give it.
Some people need time, you have to judge that by the person and situation. Some guys just aren't ready to commit. That doesn't mean they don't love you, they just know that being married right now would be uncomfortable or downright miserable for them, and disastrous for your relationship. When they say they aren't ready...DON'T PUSH. You will find yourself alone, and it may be after wasting a few grand on a wedding where the marriage was shorter than the reception.
Marriage does not make a person more loving, more devoted, stop cheating, or be around more. Many think marriages fix bad relationships, all they do is turn bad relationships in to bad marriages and hence good divorces.
Partners are not there to take us on vacation and buy us things. They are not there to pay our bills. When we allow ourselves to be "bought" we literally prostitute ourselves. It is OK to have a partner of better means that can do for us, but if the reason you chose that particular partner is because they have "things" and take you on vacation, your relationship will eventually crash and burn.
Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and people panic into hooking up with some loser so they "won't be alone". So what if you are alone. I mean , really? will you die? Will you starve? Will the roof over your head collapse? No, and don't pin your self esteem on another person's liking you or not.Having good self esteem is a way of making sure you DON'T pick the losers, the ones who buy you, and most seriously, the ones who will abuse you.
The recipe for finding a great partner?
Get your act together.
Work on yourself and be the best person you can be.
When a relationship isn't working, walk away, changing the other person is NOT an option.
Give it time. The healthy average for meet up to marriage is 2-3 years.
Don't limit yourself (I will only date professional men; blondes; musicians; older people), and if you are so stuck on those limits, again , find out why and FIX IT.
Don't get married or into a relationship because your biological clock is ticking.
Don't get into a relationship for ANY of the wrong reasons, like having someone to help pay bills; having someone to help with the kids; having someone to cure your loneliness.
When you pick a string of losers, find out why. Most likely you have low self esteem.
When you have had a bunch of great partners and they all walk away, find out what is wrong with YOU.
Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is best friends who are loyal and honest, working together to make each other happy every day. When both put 100% into it, it is a beautiful thing.
When you have a healthy relationship , it is a relationship. That means TWO people giving and taking. Sharing, Being there for each other. It helps if you are best friends besides.
When you have a bad relationship, or the person is with someone, it is NOT your soulmate. I am so tired of the soulmate word. It is a relatively new word, created to describe a perfect partner. It was then made into a metaphsyical word (and has NO basis in reality as a metaphysical entity as a lover) . A soulmate in the metaphysical sense, is in reality the person in our lives that is the giver of the most important life lessons at that time. It could be a teacher, sister, brother, mother, friend, boss. It is not and will never will be, a person we are "supposed to be with" in a romantic sense. There RARELY are people we are "supposed to be with", and those times are when we are to work our Karma. Karma and relationships aren't a good combination.The "soulmate" word sells books (well it used to, it is pretty worn out by now), but it doesn't solve relationship issues.
Please don't look for love on line. I know they have great commercials, but limited success. They can boast "marriages" but how many last more than a year or so? There are so many people on line who are there because no one where they live will go near them. There are also scammers, catfish, and more. People have been assaulted, raped and even killed by people they found online. I know that happens in the real world too, but the online community is FULL of people looking to see what they can get and be as anonymous as possible. Many online dating sites are full of people who are in relationships up to and including marriages, and they say they are single.
There are so many "bad people" out there playing games. Enough so that there are now websites dedicated to exposing the dating site creeps. It has made talk show headlines also:
http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1963/
Love happens. You can't make it happen. You cannot make another person love you. Don't rush into anything, this isn't a race, and if you have had years of failure, it is time to start looking in that harsh mirror again.
And as I always say: DO the right things for the right reasons.
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.
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