I probably have written 20 blogs on how too many people always self focus. People who want to be in their comfort zone all of the time. It is OK to do that when it doesn't effect others. It is not OK to do that when even one other person is effected.
There have been so many comments lately by clients about selfish people in their lives. I try to word it nicely saying something along the lines of "he has too much inner focus" to which the person usually replies, "yeah he's selfish". Well at least we know what is going on!
We went through a period in the 80's where kids were told that everything they did, were, and wanted was OK. Some parents forgot to parent while teaching their kids this, and instead of ending up with confident kids, they ended up with pushy, selfish people.
One lady yesterday complained of no friends, her family won't talk to her, they are all horrible people. She wanted to know why she was surrounded by people who wouldn't help her and who wouldn't talk to her. She asked why she wasn't allowed in her parent's homes and why none of her friends answer the door....she ranted about what a bunch of evil, horrible jerks they were.....(...and unfortunately this happens frequently).
OK, first of all, if they are so very horrible, why do you want to be around them? She thought about that for a while, then said she needed people to be there for her....Really? Why? The goal in life is to be an independent as you possibly can. That doesn't mean snub the world and live in a cave, it does mean that when you have your act together and you can always rely on yourself to get done, whatever you need done, then you will never have an issue like this. Ladies, you NEED to earn your own money. You need to be able to know how to take care of business. You need to do it well.
When "almost friendless" / "My family hates me" asked why all the people were so horrible, why all these situations went badly, I asked her...What is the common denominator? What is it in all these scenarios that is the same? The answer was her.
A long time ago my Mom told me that when people spout off ,and you constantly hear the same complaints about others from them, you will hear that person describe what they fear or know themselves to be. She didn't quite word it that way, but it was along the lines of "people who are constantly calling other people liars, are the worst liars themselves". That was a long time ago on my path through life, and as I went along to college and majored in psychology, the taught us the same thing....and you know what? It is true.
When people call others liars all the time, they are the worst liars. When people call others demanding or pushy, they are the most demanding and pushy person you will meet. The old timers called it "the pot calling the kettle black". You will know what others are, just by what they constantly accuse others of being. The common denominator, the "horrible person" in the caller's life was her. (What was the old political cartoon..."we have met the enemy and he is us....). Once she realized this, she really became upset of course, but hopefully she will try to change. She is in so deep I doubt she can do it without help.
When we grow up and older, we should accumulate experiences, talents, friends. We should become richer in every aspect. Things we have done, things we know, yes money, and we should be adding friends and family members. That doesn't mean that things do not change or people do not drift away, however when your amount of good friends is going down instead of up, you have (and are) the problem.
People no longer allow others to upset and ruin their lives, they weed their gardens, and they SHOULD do that. There is no reason to keep hateful, abusive, harmful, negative or selfish people in your life. Keeping them and allowing them to be these things just cripples them, it does not help them. It tells them that it is OK to be a jerk, and then when others with stronger backbones get real with them, they think the person with the backbone is the jerk.
Look around and see who is around you. Is the number and quality better than it was 5-10 years ago, or worse? When it is worse, it is time to take a good, hard, look in the mirror and make changes. Be careful of those people who are always shouting "Liar!" or "Thief!", they are describing themselves!
Be the best you can be, and do unto others.
D tohe right thing for the right reasons, not for selfish reasons....when people have an issue with that, weed the garden!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2014 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission. Pass on the link , we are happy for you to do that!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please remember that the blog is for helping and teaching. Any comments found to be abusive, hateful, negative or SPAM will not be published. My readers come here for positive solutions and growth, not negativity, arguments, nor hate.