Timing needs to be right

The discussions I have most often lately involve a "when". "When will I get this job, when will I get married, when will I have children." The answer is WHEN the time is right.That is the best time.

So many have a rush to things that are major in life. Things that shouldn't be rushed. Things that are not happening because many people  simply aren't ready. God/the Universe/Allah has a plan, schedule, and list of things for you to learn. They all know MUCH better than you do when is the best time, the best way, the best process. They know what is ahead. Things don't happen because we aren't READY for them to happen, even though we may WANT them to happen.

When we rush people to do things who are not ready and force them onto our timetable, we create issues. They may be everyday issues, like adding another mouth to feed when there isn't enough money to feed the ones you have, or it may be resentment that surfaces 10 years down the road. I can't tell you how many "childhood sweethearts" (don't get me wrong, these relationships DO work out between 2 mature people), fail because the couple never dated anyone else, had children immediately, taking away much of that fun teenage and young adulthood experience, and dove headlong into trying to keep their heads above water.One or both people reach age 30 in debt with three children they are trying to manage and raise and they want OUT, they want freedom, peace, and the life they feel they missed out on.

There is no rush. Not even to have children these days. Yes, that is easier when you are younger, but it is not impossible after 40. 

Never rush another person. There seems to be an idea out there that when you and a partner are exclusive,wedding bells should be ringing within a year. Really? Who came up with that rule? They should be ringing when you are ready. You really don't "know" a person after a few months. The best thing is to go through and resolve successfully, any issues first. Are there family issues? Resolve them. Do you already have children? SLOW DOWN THEN, make sure the kids are ready. How are finances? You should be on a relatively equal footing and in decent shape. Are old relationships resolved? Have you honestly moved away emotionally from an ex, and are you getting married because it is the best next move, or are you in a race with the ex to find a new partner.

It amazes me how many people just filed for divorce and want to know when the new long term person is coming. They want it now. That rush to marriage is what got them in the situation they are in in the first place!

Life is not a race, it is not a contest. It is a progression and a series of experiences that you learn from, grow from, and achieve from. Some people can successfully marry their high school sweetheart and be together happily ever after. They are the people with a true love, strong sense of self and equally strong sense of what a partnership is. They are usually based in faith and have positive outlooks on life. 

A marriage that happens after a year statistically doesn't last . A marriage that happens after 3 years on the average, lasts. Beware the person you have been dating for 7 years, they statistically will never get to the altar. 

Timing has importance to it, but never rush. Timing is best when it is allowed to happen by itself. Never rush anyone and remember that if you give an ultimatum, be prepared for the other other person to say "sorry I can't do that" , and walk away from you. NEVER give an ultimatum unless you are truly prepared for an answer either way!

Slow down!! A wise person once said, "Stop and smell the roses". 



Peshaui Wequashimese





(C)2013 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.