Friday, May 20, 2011

Thank you for teaching me the RIGHT way.

I saw a post by a friend today and it made me think. She was thanking her elders. I have to say that there were times when I was younger, or in a learning situation in recent years, where it seemed that the task was too big, too hard, unnecessary, frustrating, or daunting.

When you are younger you just can't fathom why your parents make you do some things. When I was a kid we had "school clothes" and "play clothes". We didn't go to school looking like a bunch of vagabonds with ripped pants falling half way down our butts, and yes that meant the poorest kid too. We had to do homework and change our clothes before going outside. It seemed a task equal to raising the Titanic at the time, but we did it.

It was the start of a lifetime of learning, but it was the groundwork that allowed for living and learning of a lifetime. It was the start of having a good life, with quality people around me.

My parents, teachers (and I am not talking just school teachers), and elders were all people who had respect for what they were teaching, themselves, and me. They did nothing half way,or in a bad way. Everything was shown in a way that taught how actions could harm others, or misguide others. When a point was important to follow exactly, it was taught that way, when there were options, it was taught that there were options.

I have seen people who hold themselves up as teachers, who don't know the basics of what they are teaching. It is sad. I have also seen people who dress up ritual in their own way and pass it off as traditional, that is disgraceful.

My teachers, Mother, Grandmothers, and elders never let me off easy. At the time it wasn't any fun, but I learned basics, like the fact that I always say "thank you" to everyone. From clerks to waitresses to a stranger who holds the door for me. I always keep other people in mind, yet do not allow fools and disrespectful people to continue their behavior. That is the hard part. So many people want everyone to be all lovey dovey, that they allow themselves and others to be doormats, to be taught the wrong things, and to ignore slights against others. All those things are FAR from lovey dovey.

People espouse world peace, yet treat others unfairly. They talk behind people's backs. My way is being totally open and honest. If it hurts someone's feelings, then they either need to have a dialog with me about it, and tell me why they think I am wrong, or they need to learn from it.

I know a VERY traditional Native elder. He pulls no punches. When he tells you that you are not doing something right, it is best to listen carefully! He is sometimes harsh, but he sure makes sure that things are done the right way. He doesn't suffer fools lightly. I thought I was tough, but he makes me look like Tinkerbell.There are many elders like that, and they can make you feel badly for a moment, but then you are so glad that they taught you a valuable lesson (the people who have self respect do anyway).

That said. I love tough teachers. I always have. Being tough doesn't mean being mean. It means calling you out when you are wrong, it means showing the right way, it means being honest, it means speaking up, it means being brave.It means sometimes being uncomfortable.

I was asked by someone who could not attend my wedding if the pipe ceremony was done. The answer was yes. Then the comment was, there weren't any pictures....that's right. First, a pipe ceremony is prayer, it is not to be bragged about (along with sweat lodge ceremony, and other rituals), nor photographed. Even certain dances, drumming, songs are not to be photographed, nor shared. When people brag about these events and share photos of them, you can see who has been taught well, and who hasn't. This is a way of every Nation I know of, if it isn't of one you know of, let me know.

You cannot even bring a camera on to the Zuni Reservation. Most pueblos in New Mexico are the same, and have areas where you cannot go, and ceremony that you
cannot witness.These are sacred acts, and not a circus. They need to be held sacred.

Just because you are grown up,doesn't mean that you get to do what you want to, at least not when it effects others. If you want to sit alone in your house, paint yourself orange, and jump up and down on nails...go for it. If you are out in public, being a teacher of any sort (even to your children), you don't get the "Get out of jail free card".


So, that said:

Thank you to all who have taught me the right way, which is rarely the easy way.
Thank you for taking the time, the effort, the energy to do so.
Thank you for letting me ask questions and argue a point.
Thank you for allowing me to speak the truth and not be cowardly and quiet.
Thank you for showing me how to think for myself and not be a sheep.
Thank you for giving me the will to return to school well after I could have stopped.
Thanks to all those in my life who have helped in these ways.
Thank you Universe , Creator, for bringing the right people to me, and giving me the self respect to walk away from others who do not show respect to the ways, other people, or the Universe.
Thank you for strength, courage, and abundance, all because I learned the right way. The way of time, sweat, patience, and endurance.
Thank you for teaching me to be humble, and not need to adoration of others.
Thank you for making sure I am not one of those who tries to skate on the edge by pretending, faking it, or misleading people.
Thank you for making me realize this is not a popularity contest, but life.

Thank you, thank you , thank you.

Learn (the right way).
Research (the right way)
Grow.


Do the right things for the right reasons.



Have a weekend full of learning.


Peshaui Wequashimese


(C)2011 Dr. R M Reiter Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.

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