Your decisions are YOUR decisions

Everyday we need to make decisions. We have a choice available to us from the moment our feet hit the floor in the morning, til we rest our head somewhere at night. It starts with the choice of getting up at all, or when, or what time. Then all day long there are choices, until time to sleep, or not , or how long.

Where the problem comes in is when we feel we have no choice. We ALWAYS have a choice. The "problem" part is people get themselves into situations where they do not like any of the choices, so they feel there aren't any. Sometimes choices are limited, and that my friend, is called LIFE. You create your situation. Every day, every time. You got to where you are today by choices you made. Those choices may have been 5 years ago, or when you picked a college major, when you decided to get married and to who, or choices made 5 minutes ago. They all mold the place you are right now.

There are other people in your life, yes. They do effect your choices, but they do NOT control them. WHen they do control our choices, it was OUR choice to allow them to do so, we can take that control away at any moment!! We are not a solitary species by nature. We have to understand a few things, one is that we react and respond to people the way we choose to. The other person doesn't make us do anything. They can try, but that will usually backfire. People treat us the way we allow them to. We may be presented with choices we don't like, but there are still choices. Another aspect is that we may be responsible for others, like small children, or people with a disability that need our help. They effect our choices, but they in no way take choice away.

I have a person that I cut out of my life because every time I helped with a life drama moment, there was the response "I can't" to every option that I gave them. "I can't" was a lie, the truth was "I don't want to", or "that is difficult". Their life was a mess, and they made that mess, it was not easily solvable. You cannot clean up 10 years of making bad decisions in one moment or one decision, unless that decision is to do anything possible to get out of the mess. These messes usually take time and several decisions and difficult steps to resolve, not to mention never making the same mistakes again.

For example. What if over 5 years of maxing out the credit card, you lose your job. You lost your job do to choices you made about work and at work. You have trouble finding another job. Bill collectors are calling. Is this your boss' fault? The credit card company? The people who are interviewing you for a new position? No, the whole mess rests firmly in your lap, and the way of getting out of it will not be easy and will take a lot of time. We always have to "pay the piper", it is just the "when" that surprises us.

We cannot change people, at least not once they are grown up. When they have severe issues we can get them help and mitigate their actions, but when a person is afraid of something, all bets are off. When you know a person is a fear based person, limit their access to your life. They will ALWAYS have a reason why "they can't". They will never commit, they stand you up, they won't want to marry you, they won't want to venture outside their little comfort zone. Some are not as fearful, but still fear anything new or different and shy away from it.

People hide from all sorts of decisions to avoid confrontation, avoid discussion where they may have to carry part of the blame, or when they feel they won't be good at something. They fear opening their minds as they may learn something that they held as truth all of their lives was not true. There are so many reasons for it.

There are always options, Always. Not always your favorite options, but always options. When they all are terrible, it is because you managed to dig yourself into a hole. Now you have to dig out....not float out clean and happy, but do the hard work and DIG.

When you make a decision, NEVER blame another person for the results of YOUR decision. I have a client who told his GF to make a decision already and move in now, or get lost. I told him not to do that....he did it. She got lost. Now he wants to know how to get her back and is upset with her. He blames her. She is not the one to blame. I certainly can't fix it. When I say "whatever you do, don't do this", and people do it, there is nothing I can do to fix it. The girl is gone, forever in this scenario. When you make a decision to do something (or not do it), it is YOUR decision, and the results are YOUR results. When you give an ultimatum be prepared to do exactly what the ultimatum states, even if it DOESN'T go your way.

Make good decsions.
Remember they don't always turn out the way you hope.
Take the "I can't" out of your vocabulary, life is hard sometimes...

Put on your Big Girl (or Guy) panties and DEAL!

and while you are at it....do unto others.


Peshaui Wequashimese




(C)2012 Dr R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission