Tuesday, September 18, 2012

No room for rumors.

I don't hear a lot of rumors anymore. I know the reason why. The reason is, that if you are not going to state a fact , name names, and allow me to check it out, I don't even want to hear it. When someone starts a sentence with "I heard thru the grapevine", or "someone told me this but I can't say who", then I have no time, sympathy, or patience for anything that comes next. When a person doesn't have the guts to stand in front of you and give names and dates, it is because they know it is all BS that will fall like a house of cards.

If more people were like that, not even wanting to hear a rumor,  the world would be a better place. I remember a saying I heard not too long ago, it basically says that a person who talks TO you about someone, will talk ABOUT you to someone. They are people we don't need in our lives.


 I use this blog to teach so I will make it simple. DO not start rumors, spread rumors, or believe rumors. Tell the person who passes on the information "Really, I find that hard to believe, let's check right now with (the person in question), I have his phone number." Don't send passive aggressive notes along the lines of..If you said this you are a dirty dog, or "I can't believe you would do this to me!"  I have said this before and will say it again, SPEAK DIRECTLY to the person as soon as possible. It is best to have an answer so you can look the rumor monger in the eye and say...Nope you are wrong. Speak to the person, call and say "I heard something upsetting, from (name here), and want to know if there is any truth in it." NOT, "I heard a rumor that you are being a jerk, and want to know what you have to say for yourself".

When you don't know the person's name who is passing the information (a little birdie told me), then the rumor needs to stop RIGHT THERE. Some rumors don't even need that much energy. You just state, "That is ludicrous, and I don't even want to waste my time hearing any more if it."

A wise man said to me this weekend...you nipped that right in the bud and that is what you need to do.  Rumors need to be cut off at the stem immediately, and not given a moment of sustenance to grow. Once all that is done, you go back to the rumor monger and make sure they know that they were wrong, that you don't like rumors, and that you don't want to hear any more BS from them. You most likely won't hear more. People spread rumors to those they know will listen, will get upset, and will pass them on. There is no fun in telling a rumor to a person who will not get upset and participate in the game. Rumors are usually used as a weapon or tool to get someone to do something.

Don't spread rumors, and make sure that you stop others from spreading them too. This is a time of change and growth, it is 2012, not our first year in grade school. If you started or fostered a rumor lately, it is Rosh Hashanah. Stop the rumor, and ask for forgiveness. Follow the Jewish tradition of asking forgiveness to those you have offended, or might have offended. For some people, that will take months of phone calls....but do it anyway.

Anyone would be happy to get a phone call asking if a rumor about them were true so they could address it, but you best be ready to pass on the name of the rumor starter, otherwise, it is just another rumor being passed, not a problem being addressed.Always assume a rumor is FALSE and be able to give the person being talked about the name of the person passing the rumor so they can address it properly, directly and strongly....nipping it in the bud!

NIP NIP NIP



Peshaui Wequashimese



(C)2012 Dr R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.

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