Relationships are NOT about drama

All weekend I had clients in a state of upset over relationships. Relationships are not supposed to be hard. They always are not easy, when you do have an easy one, you count your blessings, but they sure are not supposed to be filled with fighting, abuse, and emotional blackmail. They are not supposed to be filled with ultimatums that you can't keep or an intensity that keeps you from living life (as in talking on the phone all day inwork until you lose your job).

Relationships are supposed to ADD to your life, NOT complete it. They are supposed to enhance your life and enable you to grow, and share new experiences, places, and opportunities.

So many fall for the "soulmate" line where they think the Universe has one special person we are supposed to be with. How they can rationalize that it is OK if that person is married to someone else is beyond me. Rarely is there a karma situation where you need to resolve something with a mate. RARELY. When that does happen it is a relationship that is hard, short lived (you either resolve the issue or you don't and move on), and difficult. When people are involved in what they think are soulmate relationships, they are rarely with a person who honestly feels love for them. It usually isn't love they feel anyway. It can be desperation, desire, lust, but rarely is it love. When you love someone you are able to let them go.

Lately people seem to think it is OK to tell spouses to do things that are totally inappropriate, disrespectful, and completely loveless. You should never tell your spouse that they cannot speak to their child, have dealings with the ex (sometimes it has to be, especially if there is children or shared property still involved) , see friends, go places. When you say, do what I say or get out, don't come crying when they DO get out. You cannot threaten people time after time and expect them to eventually say...OK! See you! How can someone who loves their fiance tell her if she doesn't get over her wedding nerves and have sex with them they will have to go and find release somewhere else. REALLY? I can see why she is afraid to marry this person.

Relationships are a two way street. When two people love each other the same and do as much for each other as possible, in a respectful and loving way, you have a great relationship. When you need to talk to someone six times a day , then all they are doing is helping to calm your insecurity. That isn't love, that is fear.

I don't know how many people cay "I can't trust them". When you cannnot trust your partner, you cannot be with them.

Great relationships are not based on the stars, or a movie style romance. They aren't based on sexual encounters. They aren't based on chemistry, that is just hormones and hormones won't help you when you are 60, 70, or when the bills aren't getting paid, or the child is sick.

Love is about mutual respect, trust, and desire. MUTUAL being a very important word there.

Make sure you are in a relationship. That means two people who are equally adoring each other and making sure that they do as much as they can for the other person, before themselves. There is no emotional blackmail in true love relationships. There is no fear. Fear comes when people are not ready to be in relationships. Being able to be independent, is what makes you strong and unfearful, and keeps you from sabotaging your relationship.

As always....treat others as you would want to be treated!


Peshaui Wequashimese




(C)2012  Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied , or reproduced without prior written permission.