When you are all alone......

Getting back to yesterday's blog, there are times when you are alone. No friends, no family. Take a long , hard look in the mirror.....now, can you have no family or friends and still be OK? Sure. Personally I am living about 900 miles from cousins and such, both my parents are deceased, and I have no brothers and sisters, so that limits family stopping in over the holidays. The kids will be here, but they are getting older and soon their lives may take them in new directions. The friends side however, is full. I have a wonderful husband, great kids, and a pile of wonderful friends....but it wasn't always like that.

I remember a friend describing it as "the desert years". We all go through them at some point. Earlier is better than later, trust me on that. She said that when we are changing paths, moving up and on, and getting to where we need to be, rather than want to be, there is a transition where there is much alone time. It is time to think, communicate with the Universe, and find your path. Not your path "with" or "to" someone, not your road to riches, not fun and games, but a serious and dedicated path to who you really are. Some people wander in that desert of little or no friends, money , family around, for many years. Mine lasted about 3 years, my friend's about 6 years. Once we started doing what we knew we needed to do, instead of running the rat race , then everything smoothed out. We learned what abundance really meant.

We didn't have as nice a house as we had before, but it was better, happier, and we didn't have to fear the mortgage payment. We had a car that worked, but it wasn't new, or expensive. We had everything we needed, including friends, family, and a significant other that was perfect, not just a warm body.We had and still have , true abundance (thank you Universe....).

Which brings us back to yesterday. When you settle for warm bodies, you will perpetually be in the search for the right person. That search sometimes draws you away from friends and family. There are women out there, that as soon as they find a man, their best friends never see them again. Not with him, nor without him. He should be an addition to the group, not a jailer.

Take a long , hard look in the mirror, as it may mean you have a ton of work to do, and if you are alone, there is something that you need to do, you just have to figure it out. It is a thing best done on your own. Sometimes the Universe keeps people away from us because all we do is flit from relationship to relationship.Sometimes people distract us and slow us down from reaching our original path. The hardest thing for people to realize is that the Universe has lots of plans for you, but giving each of us the romance story fit for a Tom Hanks character isn't on top of the priority list. Yes we are supposed to populate the earth and all that, but all that Soulmate crap keeps people from having great relationships. They get hung up on perfection, and sometimes their idea of perfection is unavailable to them. It just frustrates them and suddenly they are 40, never been married, and wondering if they will ever have children. Some fulfill their contract with one person, then move on to "the one". That happens quite frequently. But it all comes in due time. It isn't the top priority on our Universal lessons list.

When taking that look, see yourself as others see you. I had a friend who was divorced. She was gorgeous, smart, funny, and had a good job. Nice lady. No friends but me and a bunch of guys that acted like they were 17, and were double that.  She was a gear head like I was. Why no friends? The gorgeous divorced chick with the hot car? Well if she were 18 she may have had more, but there were a bunch of either married or desperate (over 40 and I want kids before it is too late), women around her, who didn't want her competition in the man hunt or turning their husband's heads. The gear head guys were mostly a bunch of men who either were in their second childhood or never got out of the first one. I told her to take it down a few notches, besides you don't want the man who looks at you and says "you're hot" and nothing else.

She toned it down and Voila'!!!! , Prince Charming came out of the woodwork. They have been married about 15 years now. They have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful life.

Looking in the mirror doesn't mean that you are a bad person, it may, so look long and hard, but look. Don't sell yourself short, but don't let your ego have a field day either, be totally honest. It will be one of the hardest things you have ever done!

Many times we find just the right person , and they are nothing like what we pictured. Many times they have flaws, don't we all? So stop looking for perfection. Find the right person and situation for YOU, not what your Mom wants (like the old saying..marry a doctor please!), or the cute guy your girlfriend is trying to pawn you off on, that you can't stand, and who has been married three times. Find the person for you. Only YOU have input on your choice, no one else!

I told the Universe I was done. Don't send me any men, I will bar the door. Then just to show me who was smarter than who, the Universe sent me my husband. Two points for the Universe. They got it exactly right. I had a tough list too. I mean he had to accept a psychic, and that was probably the hardest part, but I didn't want some bliss ninny....I had a tough list believe me.

Wander through the desert for a while, it will do you good. Life isn't a race to Prince Charming , nor to the grave. It is a set of lessons to be learned, and we all learn at a different pace. We aren't all supposed to be married at 20, have our second child in our third year of marriage, and live happily ever after. We all have different paths, some chose easier ones, some chose harder ones.
Walk YOUR path. Not your friend's , your sister's, your boss'.  Walk it the way the Universe wants you to and watch everything suddenly start to flow.

The women who find the perfect men (and visa versa) are the ones who can stand totally independent (financially & emotionally) , and do not NEED a man. They won't settle ever. They don't need a man to support them, take care of them and their kids, or tell them what to think and do. They can do it all, so they don't settle for a jerk. Be that independent person, man or woman. Desperation brings you crap that you tell yourself is George Clooney.

You may have to turn up the volume, or like my girlfriend, turn it down. Take that long,  hard look, and see what you come up with!

Peshaui Wequashimese




(C)2011 Dr. R M Wolf. May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.