Over the last few days I have heard stories of women (and a man), who have allowed themselves to be sucked into a situation where they are stuck, controlled, and feeling uncomfortable. Those who are regular readers of the blog know that I always say that to be in a really positive and equal relationship, you need to be able to be independent. These people are waiting for someone to swoop in and save them. A real man or woman, will never swoop into someone's marriage and take them away. They won't cross boundaries. Can you get a person to do that? yes. Quality person? No. You need to take care of your business and not get another person to do your dirty work for you. There is a little thing called Karma. Also, no game playing. Getting pregnant, lying about another person available to you, and other games are just going to buy you more trouble than yo can imagine. Don't start up a relationship with people who are incarcerated either! Come on people, PLEASE use your power and strength to do what needs to be done, not what is easy or comfortable.
There are energetic reasons for all of this, but also practical reasons. No one person can control the other, intimidate the other, limit the other, abuse the other, when you are both independent. You always have to have the ability, not only spiritually , but financially, to walk out the door. When one partner is making six figures and you are only making $30,000, you still have enough to live on. Maybe not as well as on six figures, but it is worth a million if it keeps you from being controlled, abused, limited or intimidated.
There are women's shelters for women to go to, but you don't want to go there unless it is absolutely necessary. Abusers many times limit the woman's contact with family and friends, so their partner is more under control. NEVER allow that to happen, when it starts, RUN away! Go to a friend, a family member, but don't stay! When the relationship goes bad , be able to go and get a room at a hotel, and find an apartment. Be able to feed yourself and your kids, be able to be safe. Be able to live on your own. Anyone who is not able to live on their own is a person who can fall prey to a controlling or abusive person.
Not only is it good in case something goes sideways and you want to leave, but what if the other party leaves? What if they die suddenly? What if they are incarcerated? What if they become seriously ill? Then what?
Everyone of us should be doing something.You can have your own business, but have money coming in. Have a savings, have little or no debt. Start working on it TODAY. Those of you locally who need a job, I know of 4 people looking for good help, don't give me the "economy" excuse!
The government is helping people go to school. GO if you need to!
When you are independent, you make the family more secure, you make yourself feel more worthy and appreciated, you have opportunities of other things like a bigger social circle, and people to help out in crises.
Never allow another person to use , control, or abuse you , or to make you feel bad about yourself. Be independent and that never will happen!! Independence doesn't mean that you keep money, secrets, and time from your partner, it means you share it. Two incomes is always better than one, but if something "bad" happens, you are prepared. Independence isn't just for the 4th of July!
Peshaui Wequashimese
(C)2012 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please remember that the blog is for helping and teaching. Any comments found to be abusive, hateful, negative or SPAM will not be published. My readers come here for positive solutions and growth, not negativity, arguments, nor hate.